Sick, Holidays and a little off...

Okay so the Super Bowl and getting sick through me off this week... HOWEVER, I did not gain any weight and I maintained the 10lbs I have lost. Which is an improvement in itself.

Today I started my work out again, on the Kinect because it is cold as hell out there and I don't have the proper super cold weather clothing. I feel better after having worked out, because I almost opted for a nap. My son has been sick also so sleep has been little.. :) But I forget how good I feel when I do work out. Go me!

Saturday Weigh-In

I've had a lot going on Thursday and yesterday and  although I didn't work out I still ate well and did house work. So, as of this morning I am 268lbs, that's 11lbs total and 7 from last Saturday.

I am probably going to work out super hard today.

Eye opening

I watched my 600lb life tonight. Although I am not quiet that large, for me I was almost at 300lbs. And that is scary. I was already morbidly obese. I wish I could just blink and be healthy, but I realize it is going to take hard work and time. Lot's of time.

I have a lot of things that bother me being overweight. I feel like it's stopping me from getting a job, not that I'm not qualified but I'm fat and not confident. I feel like people watch me, or judge me, especially when I go out in my yoga pants with my hair all a wreck. I want people to look at me for who I am, inside, not who I am on the outside.

I also fear that when I get to my healthy weight, I will still think of myself as fat and restrict myself more than I need to. Hell I'm so afraid now that I feel like I've become a slave to the scales. I know everybody has told me not to. But I've done that, and it got me to where I am now. I'd rather gain a pound or two and be able to nip it right then and there than to gain 10.

I'm also afraid of excess skin. I hope that my skin bounces back, but considering how many times I have gone up and down. I have a lot of fears. I want my life to be different. I want to be skinny healthy.

At times I've wondered if something is wrong, I only gained 8-10lbs while I was pregnant and was 233 when I delivered, a little over a year ago. I've had my thyroid checked ,after suffering from deep depression, and it was fine. I've usually been able to maintain my weight, most of my life, but to pack on 50lbs in a year kinda scares me. I'm having to fight tooth and nail just to get that weight off, for good. I wish I could just get a big jump start on my diet, but I know there are no miracles, but a girl can dream. I want so deeply to be a success story.


Once again, I apologize for post being so disarray. I've always wrote as my mind flowed, and it rarely makes sense to others, but it is how I write. I realize I am mostly talking to myself anyway.

I am going to make some tea and log off for the night.

Beverlee

Okay I didn't take my measurement's before I started so I am taking them now..

Hips: 52
Waist: 41 (my tummy is 45 tho)
Thigh: 31 (omg)
Chest: 45
Arms: 17

So hopefully, once I lost 10 more lbs I will now have a record of how many inches I have lost.. I know I have already lost some as I can see it. :)

Mini Goal Reached!!!

I am finally down 10 lbs! I have gotten rid of those, (not lost)  because they aren't coming back! It feels so awesome to see progress, and feel progress! I don't really feel like it's the same. I've been doing this long enough now to make it a habit. It may sound silly, but I already feel healthy. Moving every single day, eating right, eating portions, giving my body the nutrients it needs!

I don't really crave sweets, unless you count Stevia and my Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter. I use to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's every night or every other night. I've not done that in 3 weeks... I just kept pushing it saying I can have it in another day or two, then when that got here, I'd say another day again till it turned into 3 weeks and I don't really even want it.

I've never been a real soda drinker, I drink 4-6 liters of water every single day. I just recently started adding ACV to the liters. It's not that bad, but I plan on getting some Bragg ACV because it has the mother in it.


So here is to 10lbs closer to my goal!

:)

I only did a mile walk yesterday but I am finally down to 270, I took some pictures and I can see a major difference in my appearance. I've got a lot on my mind today and I am going to just do some strength training, I may do some running this evening or tonight if I just really need to clear my mind.

I'd also like to get up to losing 5lbs a week, although I am not complaining at the 2.6 lbs a week I just know I can do better. I'm considering starting to eat clean and I've REALLY got to get my calorie intake up, after I eat my steel-cut oats in the morning I'm just usually not that hungry the rest of the day. So maybe I need to work out harder.

I also want to say, I do not promote anorexia, I don't mean to eat such little calories my body just isn't hungry. I've been overweight my entire life, I've been teased and picked on. What I am promoting is losing weight the healthy way, I am not doing this as a "thinspo" I am doing this to get strong, and fit for my child and mostly myself.

I want people to finally see me and judge me for who I really am, not the fat lazy girl. I also feel like I get picked last for job's because of my appearance and weight. I've always considered myself pretty, without make up, but I've also always been fat. A lot of people don't guess my actual weight because I carry it so well.

I am going to go work out for a bit...

Rest

I am going to to rest today, I may work out but it will be minor stuff or house work today. Friday was my full day of rest and having run both days this weekend then walked a mile my muscles are aching. I did wake up to weigh myself and found I am finally down to 270!

I've started adding 2 tblspoons in my water of ACV and it isn't actually that bad and I will see if it has any results...

And so far I can only run 1/10th of a mile. I thought about doing the couch potato to 5k but I'm not sure I can handle the running/walking yet. I may try it tomorrow as that is my next running day. I am just glad to be back on the weight loss...

Sleepy Mommy & Baby

So there is something wrong with my son, I'm not sure what but he hasn't been eating like normal and even has been refusing to eat. And all through the night wakes up every hour and won't go back to sleep without milk. It's making mommy very sleepy and making it hard for me to get motivated to workout.

I wish I knew what was wrong with him, we may need to go see the pediatrician. Once Dada gets up, Mommy is going to go for a short run and see if that makes me feel a bit better. I wish coffee would help but it's just not enough...

Lesson learned

I used to wear my vibram's every single day all day all the time. I haven't wore them in a few months, I went running in them today. Not a good idea, I  could feel it. I need to work on my feet muscles and start wearing my vibrams for everything, if I plan on running.


I've noticed also, for some reason, my right hip (baby carrying hip) hurts so bad. Here's hoping tomorrow is better and I can do better..

Irritated...

I am very aggravated this morning. I haven't been regular either so that may be part of my issue, but my scales said 275 today. I've been working out every day, except yesterday, which may be my issue. I am also trying to consume more calories, probably 1100 a day... which I usually only eat 700 a day, I know it sounds weird for my weight. I just got back from a run I pushed myself to run .5 miles and then walked another mile just because I felt guilty for not being able to run more.

I am so tired of living like this, fat and icky. I'm doing everything I can, I eat steel-cut oats every morning for breakfast with PB in them for protein, I also have a green smoothie every day. I even drink a gallon of water every day, sometimes more. I am even trying to make breakfast my biggest meal and then have my small smoothie for dinner. I would like to believe I am gaining muscle because everything fits better despite the weight gain, but I've also heard that is pure BS. Ultimately I'd like to get down to 150, unless I had muscle and looked good at a higher or lower weight.

I can do this, and I just don't need to give up. I just need to keep pushing harder and harder. I will probably work out again today on the kinect just because I feel like I've failed a bit. I wish I had some encouragement.

The Beginning

I've been on my journey for about 2 weeks now, I've lost a total of 8lbs I started at 279 lbs. That is the heaviest weight I have ever been. I can't use the excuse it was because I had a kid, because I lost 30lbs while I was pregnant and when I delivered I was 232lbs. I've gained 50 since my son was delivered. I suffered through PPD and just felt hopeless. I am a stay at home mom so sometimes I feel trapped.

None of that matters anymore. I've set my mind to it and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am posting all the pictures now, as I am because I need to be motivated. I don't consider this a diet, this is a life change. I've started running and I can run a mile in about 13mins, which isn't great but at 271lbs I can run a mile. I plan to sign up for a 5k race soon. I've also been lifting weights.

This is my first blog, so please bare with me if you do happen to read this.